We all have fear. In fact, fear is normal and needed to keep us safe. But far too many times, this otherwise harmless emotion takes over and wreaks havoc. The common response is to push it down and try to ignore it or to tough it up and act stronger than fear. Consider for a moment, another way to respond to fear.
Imagine for a moment, what fear would look like if you were sitting across a table from it? Give it a character, a shape, color, even a face. What does it look like? Mine was a big black blob, with large eyes and arms. At first, it felt like this scary beast, as its huge body extended up from the chair and towered over the table. Overcoming the initial response to cower and turn away, I looked fear straight in the eyes and decided it was time we had a heart to heart conversation. This conversation would take place many times over the course of many years, as I delved deep into the many faces of fear and began to unravel its hold on me.
Let me introduce to you the first face of fear: undeserving.
Fear will show up in many disguises. Don’t be fooled, they are all just fear working its dark magic on you. Undeserving is lurking to keep you from asking for what you want and allowing yourself to have it. It also goes by the name unworthy. How could you possibly think you could and should have your desires met? And if you do, well you better be prepared to keep giving to the point that you wear yourself thin. When something good comes your way, be sure to also have something bad come along, just to keep yourself from foolishly thinking you can get ahead.
You can also count on fear showing up as another face called unconfident. Yes, feeling a lack of confidence will definitely keep you stuck in your tracks. Creating the feeling that you can’t do it and certainly not as well as someone else is another way that fear keeps you fearful. When that is not enough fear will throw in a little low self-efficacy. Self-efficacy is your belief in your ability to do something. It requires confidence in yourself, but also confidence in others and the world. Often you will find yourself gaining confidence but still not feel things will work out because of things out of your control.
Speaking of control, this is yet another face of fear. This one may be tricky though because we often think control is not only needed but a good thing. Control will have you saying things like “I am taking action” or “Getting things done”. Yet, when you really have a look at fear and begin to unravel the way it works, you will see that the control is really fear at work. There is a fine line between trusting and controlling. Fear and trust cannot live in unison. If you trust completely, you may find yourself changing some of the things you normally might do. This is the beauty of learning how to sit with fear and unravel these layers.
When you get to the core of fear, you will surely find his biggest ally- not enough. Fears hold on you, is that you believe you are not enough, there is not enough and you do not have enough. This fear in “not enough” is the epitome of lack thinking. It grates on you at the deepest level and erodes any chance of trusting in the grandness of life. This is the very emotion that fear does not want you to discover, because when you discover it, fear will lose its hold on you. You will no longer need to compare yourself to others, you will do things with greater confidence and guided action. You will shine.
Fear will always be there, but now as a friend, not a foe. More like a companion who serves the purpose to keep a check on things. A reminder to give thought and consideration before acting. A nudge to help you expand and grow the person you are.
Go ahead, sit down with fear and start to unravel its hold and watch your life unfold. In my book “Fear Unravelled: transform your thinking and create the abundant life you deserve” I walk you through the process I used to overcome fears negative hold. This coaching guide will accompany you on your journey and provide you with many helpful tools so you too can have a new relationship with fear.
Health & Wellness Coach